To believe or not to believe, that is the Question?

I'm lost. One minute everything is fine, I'm on my own, then you come along and complicate everything. You always have a way of finding me, even when I try to push you away. I tend to push people away a lot, it's a survival technique. Love is dangerous and one must be strong and brave. One must be fearless, because when you love someone you make a gamble. You put your heart on the line and you risk it getting broken. You always take that chance when you love someone. That's why you need to sit down and ask yourself is it worth it? I asked myself that everyday. The answer is always yes it is. Maybe I secretly doubt myself...maybe I secretly doubt you? I ask myself everyday is love worth it? It's so easy to run away from love, it's easy to shield myself from love and be on my own, facing love and embracing love now that is far more difficult.
So I ask myself everyday is it reeeally worth it,thinking I'll wake up one morning and my answer will change. I tell myself it will...the truth is it never does. I always answer yes.
I truely believe that corney saying "tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" because even though I risk my heart everytime, and even though there is a chance that it will break (because eventually it will) I think it's worthwhile. Call me crazy, but I honestly believe we were created to love, and love, and keep loving people.
Granted, not all loves will last, and not all loves will work, but by taking that chance we also learn and grow. We learn about ourselves along the way, and other times we may lose ourselves along the way. Life is far too short for people to ask themselves "If only I...", I say do it! Nothing can stop us, but ourselves. At the end of the day ask yourself if you're happy, and if this person makes you happy. Because you should be. WE should all be happy.
So yeah I guess that makes me a hopeless romantic. No I've never seen true love but I also never seen God but that doesn't make me believe in faith any less. There's always a possibility that neither of these things exist, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Yeah it has a price, and yes there will be a point where we don't believe in any of these things. Despite all my doubts I want to keep believing that it exists, I want something to lose because having something to lose is better than having nothing to lose. So I'm lost... because there are days I doubt Love, and I doubt you and myself. I keep on thinking I'll wake up a nonbeliever, but I won't...I will never stop loving you and I will never stop believing in love<3

Life lessons

He told me he "loved me" through text, that I was the only girl who stuck around for his nonsense. He loved the girl I used to be...the girl who allowed people to walk all over her, the nice pushover...that girl never believed she deserved love. He told me he "loved me" and I laughed, obviously when a person tells you they love you, your immmediate respose should't be to laugh? I laughed because this guy who claims to "love" me and known me for 3 years doesn't even know my favorite color, or how many moles I have on my face, or that I write poems, or that I count butterflies and chase birds. This boy knows nothing about me...the little things that make me,well me. He doesn't love me, and he never did. He was in love with the girl he wanted me to be, and true love shouldn't mean changing anybody. A person does not tell you they love you through a text message. Love shouldn't have to be enduring nonsense, life is short and we shouldn't have to dread the word "love".
So ask me today if I ever been in love? The answer will be no, I thought I did but never was because just like him I wasn't in love with him, but the man I thought he had the potential to be. That's not love at all, that's just a fantasy. Do I believe in love? Of course I do, with all my heart, I believe it exists with every bone in my body. So even though this odd "relationship" didn't work,it doesn't mean I've given up on love altogether. I did love him as a person, but I was not in love with him. I will never stop loving the people I will meet, and I hope neither does he, just because it didn't work out with just me. I've come to realize that I deserve love, and everything sappy that comes with it and I will wait for it patiently to find me and when it does, if it's right I will know. We always have a way of knowing. Until then I'll be on my own and live out my dreams, because I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me.

Two souls, one night, waiting for Sunrise...

Kiss me goodbye
I'm like the sun that drifts into the sky
illuminating the world for a brief moment in time.
Leaving your eyes mesmorized, and hypnotized.
Our two souls becoming synchronized.
then as time ticks by
I must leave your sight
and slowly darken the night.
I will return right before the twilight.
I don't want to leave you in the darkest part of the night.
The moon will be your light and the stars will be your guide.
Whenever you feel alone
know I'll be nearby...
waiting in the sky
to see you one more time,
but until then goodbye, and goodnight<3

simple thoughts

I miss the days when life was a breeze
when I ran through trees
jumped in leaves
I miss the young me....
The me that laughed, and smiled and screamed.
The me that still believed. The me that was free.
I miss the moments when time never meant a thing
and I could be who I used to be.
<3

love is a lie

She fell for a lie in disguise

only believing what she saw with her eyes,

now she's left with breathless sighs,

teary eyes

quiet nights...

the love she thought existed was only a lie

she still keeps her head up high

smiling like it's 4th of July

her hands reach to touch the bright skies,

and seize a star to light up the dark nights.

she tells herself to never believe another guy

who tells foolish lies

and says sappy love lines

instead she will rise,

she will grow,

and shine

because that boy in disguise

has made her more wise... <3

I am Brown you polluted my ground.

Because of you I had to use a machine to breathe
you abused my air,
and you robbed me of my health
all so you could gain industrial wealth?
Because of you as a child I could never run fast
for fear of collapse or asthma attacks.
You did it cause I'm brown
you polluted my ground
Your filthy money won't take back the past,
or amass to the pain I went through
you cannot caste away all those doctor appointments,
or take back the poison you put in my city
cause now our once blue sky looks brown and gritty,
your arrogant selfishness brings me pity.
Now my lungs have grown strong,
and I will fight you so another innocent child won't be harmed
by all of your egotistical corporate wrongs.




I'm so tired of big industries taking advantage of communities of color. I wrote this poem from my own personal experiences of living in a polluted Los Angeles. I will not stand aside and let these factories exploit the environment and kill they people who breathe that air, all for their personal profit. I feel the activist in me growing especially since I joined Youth Action. These industries cannot get away with this environmental racism any longer. We as the people who live in these communities have the right to breathe clean air, so we must fight for it and raise our voices against this social injustice that has taken place far too long.

Change

Change it's something we often times desire as humans. Some of us love simplicity and consistancy, others on the other hand need spontaneity and adventure. Even those, like myself, who prefer consistancy still secretly have a thirts for adventure and change. I love consistancy because I feel safe, by planning and organizing I feel a sense of control of myself and my life. When things don't go as planned, or if I come across an impediment I often times get frustrated because I feel as if my whole schedual has been altered. I fear change because I fear the unknow, I fear not having control of the outcomes and consequences. Countless people want to live in the moment and live life. It took me 16 years to realize that I don't always have to live life by the book.

I've discovered that some things are uncontrollable and inevitable whether we decided it or not. I believe that a cosmic power could possibly control how things turn out, yet I don't think anything is written in stone. I think we write our destinys but the outcome remains the same. ( I know I think in circles) As people we need to make mistakes and learn from them. We need to conquer and triumph life's struggles and challenges to make us stronger, and we also need to learn that sometimes it's okay to let go and take risks because it's a part of life. So I discovered this revelation by learning a lot about myself through other teens my age, and through their own stories.

I used to be frightened of change and letting people close to me, but now I'm accepting change and tearing the walls I had once created to protect myself of the unknown. I'm not saying it happened over night because it's still a working progress. I still have a long way to go, but each day it will only be easier for me...to live life, and accept that sometimes change can be good.

lets get lost

Take me away
to another place,
Lets escape and runaway somewhere
that's far, far away.
Let's get lost together
live a complacent life forever?
forget the past altogether.
somewhere far far away.
So lets runaway to the Eqyptian plains,
or take a train to Spain,
maybe take a plane to Ukraine
anywhere thats far far away.
Lets get lost and never turn back,
times running we need to hurry and pack!
I need to leave this place,
this life is too fast pace
I need an escape,
I want to explore another landscape,
somewhere that's far far away.

I wrote this poem because I love to travel. I haven't gone very far but I would like to in the future. I want to explore the world, and discover someplace exotic and new that I've never been to. I want to learn the past and get lost in it for a while. Relish the rich culture and the people. Escape reality for a little while and just relish another country.
I feel like everyone wants to come to America and Los Angeles but the culture is very minimal here and opportunities nowadays are limited. The life here is so fast pace people don't really live. I guess that's why I want to escape so badly. I'm in need of change, I want to go somewhere rural and serene where life is lived with simplicity. Where people appreciate time and life.

Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love with Lyrics

A beautiful song that I can play over and over.
Listen to it, I hope you love it as much as I do<3

I am me.

I am me...

whether you like it or not..

I will do what I please.

I'm not looking to appease or concede

to what you want to see,

and what you made me out to be.

Everything you wanted for me,

you never fully accepted me.

I'm sorry if I have to let you down now

but it's time for me to do what I want,

and it's time for you to move on.

I'm sick of being this illusion you envisioned for me.

I'm tired of pretending to be something I used to be.

You never saw the truth in me.

I think it's time for you to see

that the only person I ever wanted to be...

was me.



This poem was written because I'm tired of the expectations everyone has of me. I am only what I've portrayed to everyone. There's so much more to me than what people can see. Very little people know my interior; the ugly me, the moody me, the angry me, the broken me. I have hidden those parts of me from the world because I was ashamed of those parts of myself. I'm not perfect, I'm human too I make mistakes. I feel pain, anger, and fear too.

A wise friend once told me "in life you don't find yourself, you create yourself." This whole time I was trying to figure out who I was supposed to be, and what people made me out to be; instead, of being the person I wanted to be. I guess it was me all along who never accepted myself for who I am.